The Challenge of Maintaining Relationships as a High Achieving Trauma Survivor
We need people. But when people have traumatised us, that often makes accessing deep connection more challenging. Even if we’ve hit the friends or partner(s) jackpot, trauma can mean we’re second guessing our loved ones, mistrusting them, picking fights when we don’t mean to, or scared they’ll leave us at any minute.
If we’ve got good people around us, and we’re still reacting with these trauma responses, we can often be filled with regret or shame afterwards. Maybe something we’ve said was out of line, or it’s the 50th time it’s happened, and we’re worried our relationships are taking damage. Maybe it’s the shame of not being in control.
But when we’ve worked so hard to forge a life that’s worth living, to create positive relationships around us, and this difficult stuff is still popping up, it can feel pretty defeating.
I want to congratulate you for how far you’ve come, though. It takes great courage and vulnerability to keep on showing up, to continue tending to your relationships. Even when you’re fighting against your insecurities or fantasies to run away to live in a cabin in the woods.
Add being a high achiever on top of this, and for your nervous system, it’ll feel like you’re on a roller coaster 24/7. You’re probably relying on a lot of self-care or distraction to maintain some kind of balance. But when trauma pops up, there’s fear because, after everything you’ve built, it feels like a long way to fall. A lot to lose. A feeling that you’re lying about how together you are when you don’t always feel so together on the inside.
What if the roller coaster was gentler? What if the triggers stopped or lessened? What if, in the middle of emotional chaos, you had exactly the right phrase to say to your partner(s) that saved the situation and prevented further damage? What if the insecurity was gone, especially in challenging situations?
Are you open to a call with a trauma practitioner who specialises in relationships? Email me for the application form!